Today is for Fairy Gay Mother

In tradition with this day that a few likely rue and many more are grateful for, I have decided to make a more public post.

The ways Fairy Gay Mother has ruined me, lessons, and wisdom:

• I measure most interactions by her standards. I have some growing yet still to do on the amount of chances I give people, but I do at least sit back and think to myself, “if I were to share this interaction with FGM, what would her reaction be?”
• I do what I can and then I stop. Still working on that one too, but I do it way more often now than I did before.
• I have felt unconditional love. It has boundaries and is healthy, but there is never a condition on it. Continuing to have access to me, however, is conditional.
• I am not afraid anymore to let someone know that they are being unkind, even when it’s me. Before I would always stand up for others, but would generally let someone who was being unkind to me, continue to do so.
• I’ve learned that shame is just another stick they use to beat you with.
• Don’t do your enemies work for them.
• Love is having and respecting boundaries.
• I ask myself, “is this worth the cortisol?”, and sometimes I can actually say nah and walk away.

There are many more things. Though my brain is a bit fuzzy with therapy today and whatnot.

I will never forget the day I met FGM, or the fact that in a room full of people, she was the only one who saw through all my masks. I don’t think I would be nearly as far in my healing journey if she hadn’t sat down next to me, and showed me I didn’t have to be anyone but myself. I am grateful for every day and moment since then, and for every moment there still is.

I see her in so many moments now in my life, and it always makes me feel loved. I’ve even found my way to start becoming a purple person.

Thank you for helping me see spite sprite.

Thank you for making me an honorary pirate.

Thank you for being my family.